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  "title": "봄16. 위로받고 재미보고 싶어 하는 마음",
  "author": "유종열",
  "volume_number": 1,
  "volume_title": "늘봄의 생활",
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  "canonical_text": "\n\n봄16. \n\n위로받고 \n\n재미보고 \n싶어 \n하는 \n\n마음\n\n\n어린 \n시절\n\n적막 \n속에서 \n\n혼자 \n있을 \n때\n\n심심해서 \n죽을 \n것 \n같은 \n기억이\n\n지금도 \n생생하다.\n\n그래서\n\n아이들 \n장난감이 \n그렇게 \n잘 \n팔리고\n\n어른들의 \n장난감이\n\n그렇게 \n인기\n있을 \n수밖에 \n없는 \n것 \n같다.\n\n어린이나 \n어른 \n할 \n것 \n없이\n\n혼자 \n가만히 \n있기가 \n어렵다.\n\n독방에 \n가두어 \n놓기 \n보다\n\n노동이라도 \n하는 \n편을\n\n더 \n선호하는 \n것이 \n사실이다.\n\n우리가\n쉬는 \n시간,\n\n자기의 \n내면을 \n돌아보는 \n순간,\n\n거기에는 \n\n어떤 \n욕구불만이랄까\n\n답답함이랄까 \n하는\n느낌이 \n있다.\n\n이러한 \n느낌을 \n물리치기에는\n\n엄두가 \n나지 \n않는다.\n\n심심함을\n달래달라는 \n\n욕구가 \n강열하여\n\n안정을 \n잃고\n\n두리번거리고 \n서성대기 \n시작한다.\n\n일단\n이러한 \n욕구의 \n소용돌이가\n일어나\n\n휩쓸리게\n되면 \n\n걷잡을 \n수 \n없어진다.\n\n심심함을 \n달래주고\n\n욕구불만을 \n풀어주기 \n위해\n\n끌려나가지 \n않을 \n수 \n없다.\n\n이러한 \n행위는\n\n양자의 \n합의에 \n의한\n\n합의적인 \n행동이 \n아니라\n\n무언가 \n내키지는\n않지만\n\n힘이 \n모자라\n\n어쩔 \n수 \n없이\n\n일방적으로 \n끌려가지 \n않을 \n수 \n없는\n\n약자의 \n비애와 \n모멸감과\n패배감이 \n\n내면에\n남게 \n된다.\n\n다 \n같은 \n행동이라도\n\n그러한 \n갈등이 \n남으면\n\n속박된 \n행동이고,\n\n없으면 \n\n자유로운 \n행동이 \n된다.\n\n자유로운 \n행동을 \n하면\n\n후회가 \n생기지 \n않지만\n\n끄달려서 \n한 \n행동은\n\n후회가\n언제나\n남는다.\n\n움직이는 \n것이 \n옳으냐,\n\n움직이지 \n않는 \n것이 \n옳으냐가 \n\n아니다.\n\n심심하다는\n\n최초의 \n생각에 \n응해\n\n전폭적으로 \n움직이면 \n그만이다.\n\n그런데\n문제는 \n\n심심하다는\n느낌을\n\n싫어하고 \n거부하고\n\n저항하는 \n마음을 \n내는 \n것이다.\n\n그저 \n돌아보거나\n\n즉각 \n움직이면\n\n분열과 \n갈등이 \n생기지 \n않는다.\n\n그러므로\n항상 \n\n자기를 \n돌아봄에 \n의해서\n\n거부와 \n저항이\n\n어떤 \n결과를 \n가져오는\n것인지 \n\n깨닫게 \n된다.\n\n자기가 \n일으킨 \n앞 \n생각을\n\n자기가 \n일으킨\n뒷 \n생각이\n\n부정하고\n거부하는\n것이\n\n갈등과 \n분열의 \n근본\n원인인\n것이다.\n\n우리는\n그런 \n상태를 \n되풀이 \n하면서 \n살기에\n\n언제나\n분열과 \n갈등의 \n상태에\n\n놓여 \n있는 \n것이 \n사실이다.\n\n그래서\n\n그러한 \n자기의\n내면이\n괴롭고 \n답답하여\n\n위로를 \n받고 \n싶고\n\n재미를\n보고\n싶은\n\n욕구불만의\n상태에 \n있는 \n것이다.\n\n이러한 \n사실을\n깨달은 \n사람은\n\n항상 \n마음이\n텅비어\n\n무심임으로\n\n분열과 \n갈등을 \n일으키지\n않고\n\n안정되어 \n있으므로\n\n달리\n위로받거나\n재미보고 \n싶은 \n생각이\n나지 \n않는다.\n\n그러므로\n후회할 \n일도 \n없는 \n것이다.\n\n그런 \n사람은\n\n우주적 \n에너지의 \n흐름에 \n따라\n\n자유자재한다.\n\n\n\n\n\n",
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