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  "volume_number": 1,
  "volume_title": "늘봄의 생활",
  "book_order_index": 25,
  "local_bom_number": 24,
  "title": "봄24. 홀로서기",
  "author": "유종열",
  "original_written_at": "2003-11-23",
  "original_written_at_raw": "2003.11.23",
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  "canonical_text": "\n\n봄24.\n\n홀로서기 \n\n\n인간은 \n정신적으로 \n\n홀로서기\n위해 \n살아가는지도 \n모른다. \n\n자아탐구를 \n통해 \n\n\"얼아\"를 \n볼 \n수 \n있을 \n정도가 \n되어야 \n\n홀로 \n설 \n수 \n있는 \n\n어른(얼)이다. \n\n홀로 \n있지 \n못하고, \n\n홀로 \n서지 \n못하고, \n\n홀로 \n걷지 \n못하는 \n자는\n\n얼아이다. \n(소아, ego)\n\n그러므로 \n\n세상을 \n성공적으로 \n살고 \n은퇴한 \n분일지라도 \n\n당장 \n하던 \n일과 \n관련된 \n사람들이 \n사라지면 \n\n안절부절 \n심심해서 \n못견딘다면 \n\n나이로는 \n어른일지라도 \n\n인간으로는 \n어른이라고 \n볼 \n수 \n없을 \n것이다. \n\n대부분의 \n사람들이란 \n\n자기를 \n깨닫지 \n못한 \n\n영적인 \n(靈的) \n\"얼아\"들이라고 \n보아야 \n한다. \n\n자기가 \n누구인지 \n모르기에 \n\n자기의 \n정체성과 \n존엄성을 \n깨닫지 \n못하였으므로 \n\n탐욕의 \n노예생활을 \n한다. \n\n참으로\n\n자기의 \n존엄성을 \n모르기에 \n\n아상을 \n(我相)\n지니고 \n산다. \n\n자기가 \n\n시간적으로 \n영원하고 \n\n공간적으로\n무한한 \n존재라는 \n사실을 \n\n깨닫지 \n못하였기에 \n\n죽음을 \n두려워하면서 \n\n자기를\n확장하기 \n위해 \n\n권력과 \n재물과 \n명예를 \n탐한다.\n\n문제는\n이러한 \n어리석음을 \n\n어리석음인\n줄도\n모르고 \n살아가는 \n\n대부분의 \n사람들을 \n\n한마디로 \n하면 \n\n홀로서지\n못하기 \n때문이다. \n\n홀로서지 \n못하므로 \n\n사람들에게 \n(친구, 연인)\n미치고 \n\n놀이나 \n일에 \n빠질 \n수밖에 \n없다. \n\n외롭고 \n심심해서 \n벌이는 \n일이 \n\n인생과 \n세상의 \n전부라고 \n하면 \n\n과한 \n말일까?\n\n그러므로 \n\n외로움을 \n두려워하고 \n\n심심함을 \n견디지 \n못하여 \n\n무작정 \n밖으로 \n\n끌리어 \n나가지만 \n말고 \n\n일단 \n걸음을 \n멈추고 \n\n그렇게 \n나약한 \n자기가 \n\n어떻게 \n생긴 \n놈인지 \n\n한번 \n돌이켜 \n보아야 \n한다. \n\n외롭고 \n심심해서 \n견디기 \n어려운 \n순간 \n\n한번이라도 \n그렇게 \n해 \n보아야 \n한다. \n\n그렇게 \n하기 \n위해서는 \n\n결심을 \n단단히 \n하여야 \n한다. \n\n아직까지 \n한번도 \n그렇게 \n해 \n본 \n적이 \n없기 \n때문이다.\n\n대부분의 \n사람들은 \n\n정신적으로 \n이분화된 \n\n분열된\n상태를 \n산다. \n\n그러므로 \n\n공허감을 \n느끼게 \n되고 \n\n그 \n공허감을\n채우려고 \n한다. \n\n자기의 \n심심함을 \n달래 \n줄 \n\n사람이나 \n행사나 \n일이 \n필요하게 \n된다. \n\n그리하여 \n\n자기를 \n알아 \n줄 \n친구나 \n\n자기를 \n좋아해 \n줄 \n연인이 \n필요해진다. \n\n또한 \n무료한 \n시간을 \n\n심심하게\n하지 \n않을 \n\n세상 \n일에 \n매달리게 \n된다.\n\n그러므로 \n대부분의 \n사람들은 \n\n일평생 \n홀로서지 \n못하고 \n\n생을 \n마감하고 \n만다. \n\n분열과 \n갈등을 \n치유하자면 \n\n홀로 \n존재하지 \n못하는 \n\n나약하기 \n짝이 \n없는 \n내면의 \n얼아를 \n(ego, 소아)\n\n스스로 \n돌아 \n보아야 \n한다. \n\n무엇이 \n들어서 \n끝없이 \n\n사람을 \n찾아 \n헤메고 \n\n무엇이 \n들어서 \n\n일에 \n빠지게 \n만드는지 \n\n그 \n까닭을 \n\n기어이 \n한번\n알아내고 \n넘어가야 \n한다. \n\n무엇이 \n들어 \n\n자기를 \n찾지 \n않고 \n\n자기를 \n외면하게 \n만드는지 \n\n그 \n까닭을 \n알아내야 \n한다.\n\n그것이 \n무엇인지를 \n알아야 \n\n내가 \n무엇인지를 \n\n알 \n수 \n있을 \n것이다.\n\n그것을 \n아는 \n것이 \n\n나를 \n아는 \n것이고, \n\n나를 \n알아야 \n\n홀로서기가 \n가능할 \n것이다. \n\n홀로서기가 \n가능해야 \n\n사람이나 \n사물로 \n부터 \n\n자유롭게 \n살 \n수 \n있다.\n\n\n\n-2003.11.23\n\n\n\n",
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