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"\n\n봄90. \n\n자기점검을 \n통한 \n\n새로운 \n출발 \n\n\n(100일 \n정진 \n47차)\n\n\n이제 \n바야흐로\n\n벡일정진의 \n\n반환점이 \n가까워오고 \n있다.\n\n한달이 \n넘는 \n동안 \n\n매일 \n같이 \n앉아서\n\n이론적으로, \n\n이치적으로 \n공부한 \n\n성리(性理) \n\n봄나의 \n정체성과 \n주체성을\n\n증득하기 \n위해서\n\n몸이 \n아프거나 \n졸린 \n증세와\n\n생각이 \n침범하는 \n경계를 \n\n극복하기 \n위한\n\n갖가지 \n방편을 \n다 \n구사해보았다.\n\n뭔가 \n되는듯 \n하다가도\n\n또 \n무너지고 \n하면서\n\n엎치락 \n뒤치락거리면서\n\n좀처럼 \n잡히지 \n않아\n\n안달이 \n나고 \n\n고생을 \n사서했다.\n\n그런 \n가운데\n\n알게 \n모르게 \n\n자기로부터 \n벗어나\n\n자기를 \n보는 \n눈이\n\n점차 \n떠지고 \n있는 \n것 \n\n또한 \n사실이다.\n\n면벽정진을 \n통하여\n\n현상의 \n자기를 \n\n있는 \n그대로\n\n보고 \n아는 \n것이 \n\n첫번째 \n관문이다.\n\n자기의 \n몸과 \n마음이지만\n\n자기 \n뜻대로 \n되지 \n않아서\n\n졸음에 \n떨어지고\n\n망상에 \n시달리고\n\n정신을 \n모으려고 \n해도\n\n흐트러지고 \n\n희미해지는 \n것을\n\n수없이 \n목격하였다.\n\n본연의 \n자기,\n\n봄나는\n\n누구에게나 \n공평하게\n\n원만구족한 \n성품을 \n타고났으나\n\n좌뇌본위로 \n생각을 \n쫓아\n\n잔재주와 \n잔꾀를 \n내어 \n\n잔재미 \n보느라고\n\n자기의 \n성품을 \n등지고\n\n밖으로 \n돌아다니고 \n\n헤매는 \n바람에\n\n업장으로 \n\n제한되고 \n편협한 \n\n현상의 \n자기,\n\n어리석고 \n둔하고 \n못난 \n\n자기가 \n되고 \n말았다.\n\n그러면서도\n\n자기가 \n\n못난 \n줄도 \n모르고\n\n잘난 \n줄 \n알고\n\n고치려는 \n의지도 \n없다.\n\n지금의 \n자기의 \n\n성질 \n기질 \n체질은\n\n누가 \n만든 \n것이 \n아니라\n\n자기가 \n알게 \n모르게 \n만든 \n것이므로\n\n자기가 \n알아서 \n\n고치는 \n수밖에는 \n없다.\n\n운명을 \n만든 \n것도 \n\n자기이고\n\n운명을 \n바꾸는 \n것도 \n\n오직 \n자기이다.\n\n100일 \n정진을 \n통하여\n\n우리는 \n\n이제\n\n현상의 \n자기가 \n\n어떠한지 \n\n사무치게 \n깨달았다.\n\n지금까지의\n \n모든 \n수행은\n\n결국 \n\n한 \n생각을 \n쫓아\n\n이고(ego)가 \n몸부림친 \n과정에 \n\n지나지 \n않았다.\n\n수행은 \n결국 \n\n이고(ego)의 \n행진이었던 \n것이다.\n\n그 \n어떤 \n방편이든 \n\n생각을 \n쫓아가는 \n한\n\n현상의 \n자기가 \n\n주도한 \n것이지\n\n본연의 \n자기가 \n\n주도하는 \n것은 \n아니다.\n\n이제 \n\n해볼 \n만큼 \n해보았으니\n\n그 \n모든 \n생각을 \n\n놓을 \n때가 \n되었다.\n\n옵션은\n\n본연의 \n자기가 \n주도할 \n때 \n\n가능한 \n것이지\n\n현상의 \n자기가 \n해보았자 \n\n작심 \n3일이다.\n\n모든 \n옵션이 \n\n저절로 \n놓아져야\n\n그때부터 \n\n본연의 \n자기가 \n\n주도하기 \n시작한다.\n\n본연의 \n자기야말로\n\n몸과 \n마음의 \n\n참 \n주인이다.\n\n본연의 \n자기는 \n\n전지전능하고 \n원만구족하여\n\n어떤 \n문제라도 \n\n즉각 \n해결한다.\n\n마음먹는 \n대로 \n된다.\n\n즉각 \n되지 \n않는 \n것은\n\n점차적 \n단계적으로\n\n옵션을 \n걸어가며\n \n현상의 \n자기를 \n\n업그레이드\n시킨다.\n\n이제 \n우리는\n\n빈 \n마음으로\n\n보는 \n자와 \n\n보이는 \n자가 \n\n혼연일체가 \n된\n\n본연의 \n자기를 \n\n정진시간 \n내내 \n지속시켜\n\n놀라운 \n기적이 \n일어나는 \n것을 \n\n증거하여야 \n한다.\n\n그것이\n\n본연의 \n자기에 \n\n계합(契合)하는 \n것으로\n\n삼매(三昧)에 \n드는 \n것이다.\n\n앉아서 \n삼매에 \n들어\n \n지속이 \n되면\n\n일상생활 \n중에서도 \n\n삼매를 \n여의지 \n않고\n\n즉각 \n\n정체성과\n(正體性) 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